By: William Van Gordon, Ph.D.Psychology Today
Inner peace can sometimes seem a distant prospect, particularly in today’s fast-paced society. Without it, in addition to feeling lost, we can start to feel that life has become superficial and a grind from one day to the next.
Typically, inner peace does not arise on its own but requires us to create particular conditions, both within ourselves and in our external environment. Fortunately, there are easy steps we can take each day to help create these conditions so that peace enters our hearts and minds.
Regularly taking time throughout the day to stop and observe the breath can help us cultivate inner peace as well as feel more present and uplifted. More specifically, breath awareness helps to "tie" the mind to the present moment, which is the only place where we can truly embrace life.
If we are not alive and awake to what is happening here and now, it means our body and senses are doing one thing while our mind is somewhere else. Typically, this happens because we are caught up in the past or ruminating about the future, which will eventually contribute to us becoming stressed or exhausted.
Therefore, once during the morning, afternoon, and evening, take 5 to 10 minutes to do nothing except focus awareness on the natural flow of your in-breath and out-breath. Stop, breathe, and experience your existence.
To cultivate inner peace, we need to create a certain degree of space and quiet in the mind, which is difficult to do if the mind is always busy or distracted. Indeed, having a mind that is constantly busy not only reduces our capacity for self-awareness but also can make us prone to feeling restless and dissatisfied.
Therefore, try not to fall into the trap of always using periods of rest or downtime to pick up your mobile phone, scroll through social media, play computer games, or watch TV. If you are somebody who finds it difficult to regulate your use of such media and technology, try establishing a period, say between 30 and 90 minutes at a time, during which you will not allow yourself to use your devices and will instead dedicate the time to slow the mind down and be with yourself.
Once a day, take 10 minutes to focus your attention inward and identify your main sources of worry. This is simply an acknowledging exercise whereby, rather than seeking to understand or solve any problems, you recognise that the problem exists as a psychological weight you are carrying. You can give the problem a label such as health worry, relationship issue, finance problem, legal battle, or work issue.
However, after you have labeled these sources of worry, let go of them and allow them to be. Labeling and objectifying our problems in this manner helps to separate us from them and realise that they do not need to define us.
In turn, this gives us an opportunity to step back and reconnect with ourselves, such that when we choose to turn our attention to the problem again, we can do so with a clearer perspective and make better decisions.
An important part of cultivating a peaceful mind is making sure we are getting enough quality sleep, which is difficult to achieve if the mind is busy prior to going to bed.
Therefore, each day around 90 minutes before going to sleep, make a conscious effort to slow things down and create relaxation in your body, mind, and external environment. This could be by, for example, listening to calming music, lighting candles, practicing meditation, and/or reading a book that relaxes you.
Also, as explained in technique 3 above, try to psychologically let go of any problems or sources of worry you have so that you go to sleep feeling peaceful and whole.
It is sometimes said that "through giving we receive" and from a scientific perspective, there is some truth in this because being kind and generous can result in changes in brain chemistry that positively modify our mood.
Giving and being kind can be a means of not only helping others but also of helping ourselves to feel whole and at peace. Giving in this sense is something we can do every day and doesn’t need to refer to material gifts, as we can also give our time, energy, and patience.
Either way, it's not so much the act of giving something to another person or people that induces such feelings but, rather, the intention that underlies it. In other words, when performing an act of kindness or generosity, we should try to do so with a genuine feeling of peace and warmth inside us and of wanting that person to be happy and well.
Related to this, try to give to others without expecting anything in return. The reason for this is that relating to others in a selfless, kind, and compassionate way helps to take the focus away from ourselves and our own problems.
In general, people are very good at becoming absorbed in their own problems, but, more often than not, this induces a cycle of negative thoughts that eventually results in exhaustion. Using kindness and giving to become more "other-focused" in this context can help us break this cycle, develop greater patience in terms of how we view our problems, and help peace enter our hearts and minds.